By Tom Barthel
This is a story that will make one thing make a lot more sense to you.
I used to haul tanker trucks on the highway when I was younger. These are very long dual trailer trucks that weigh 60,000 kg. There was a scenario they would teach us about when we were driving in the winter on slippery roads.
These trucks do not slide very well. Unlike cars you cannot over correct the steering wheel very easy. If the trailer begins to fish tail and becomes more than 15° off center that truck is done, it is going in the ditch and no one can stop it.
Scenario 1: What will typically happen to drivers.
The trucker is still on the road but quickly going out of control and heading towards the ditch. The trucker does not want to go in the ditch and tries to save himself by cranking the wheel inwards and steering away from the ditch. The truck goes into the ditch anyways because that is that truck’s destiny at that moment. Except the driver cranking the wheel causes the truck to go sideways into the ditch and now the truck rolls, and there is $100,000 damage and a crane is needed to get the truck upright and out. Major stress is happening now.
Scenario 2: What they teach us to do properly.
ADMIT that when the truck is 15° off center we are going into the ditch no matter what! Fully accept this, do not deny it, and go WITH IT by turning the wheel towards the ditch and driving straight in on purpose. This keeps the truck right side up, we plow some snow, rough up the suspension, maybe $10,000 damage and we can get towed out. Lesson learned, take earlier precautions next time. We successfully dodged a bullet. It’s not great, but it is not a disaster.
What Does This Mean For Your Poorly Behaved Child?
Scenario 1 for parents:
The teen is starting to act up and be really troubled, they can’t get along and he won’t listen to what the parents are saying. They are so scared of him moving out into the street the parent panics and does everything they can to keep him at home because they don’t want things to get any worse than their present moment. Things will explode anyways because the child never wanted to compromise and he moves out regardless after much screaming and yelling and hurtful things get said by everybody. Extreme damage is done to relationships between parent and child.
Scenario 2 for parents:
Some children with troubles develop a strong desire of independence. The will choose their own thoughts, feelings, and actions whether the owners of a household like it or not. ADMIT that the child is already GONE! Half way out the door already, they just haven’t left yet.
It is but a matter of time before their behaviour finally crosses the line and you freak out anyways and move them out.
I say this from experience, don’t wait till they cross the line. Be clear with it now, draw the line a lot quicker, and put it on paper, show it to the child, and give them the option to move out now before it goes that far. Go with it! Accept that it’s going to happen anyways and plan their exit before you both end up yelling and screaming at each other doing irreparable damage to the relationship.
Give them a choice to adhere to your home’s rules, and draw a much less tolerant line in the sand with what’s important to you. Immediately after that line gets crossed 3 times you give your child an option to live somewhere where they can make their own rules and be free.
Buy them a housewarming present, help them move out, and leave them with a clear invitation to move back home when they feel they can better accept the rules of that household. Compliment them on their desire to be independent, and let them know if they have any questions about utilities be sure to ask, you are their parent and you support them.
Source Street Smart Counselling